Excuses

Does anyone else get tired of excuses? You know those times when you are dealing with a certain, let’s call it a roadblock, in your relationship and instead of making progress, you get an excuse.  For example, all of us ladies like romance right?  I know I do.  Sometimes when it seems like we aren’t getting enough and we bring it up, we get a response like, “You know I’m not a romantic guy, I never was, never will be.”  I like the one about when we feel we are not communicating effectively and we approach that topic. “I’m just not a talker.  I’m introverted.”  Ladies, how about when our husband’s need some affection and intimacy in the bedroom….  “Not tonight dear, I have a headache.”  If we really want to make our marriage amazing, it’s time to drop the excuses and embrace the fact that we all need to be willing to….. shall I even say it? ….. deep breath now….. be willing to GROW.   That wasn’t so bad now was it?

The interesting thing about growth is that we can’t change our spouse.  Sure would be easier and less painful on our part.  No one really likes to admit that we are flawed.  We all like to think it’s our spouses fault our marriage is at a stalemate.  It’s easier on our conscience that way.  However, you can go to a million marriage counselors and they will tell you the same thing…. you can only work on you.  How does this help us though, since none of our marriage problems are our fault.  He won’t go to church with the family, He watches too much ESPN, She/he is too tired, She/he doesn’t pick up their stuff around the house, the faucet STILL leaks, he hasn’t expressed a real emotion for the past 10 years.  Remember, if you want change, start to do something different!  You will never get the results you want if you keep doing the things that are not working.  Step out and make it happen!  You can do it!!!

In all our marriage groups and in all the people we have mentored in their marriage, I can tell you that successful change happens when ONE person is willing to take the first step and start to live the marriage they feel is right.  What does that look like?  I think it looks like praising and respecting our husband, even when we feel they don’t deserve it.  Husband’s CRAVE and NEED our respect and adoration.  Find ways to praise him in public.  Husbands, find ways to honor and serve your wife.  LOVE her, TALK to her, DO THE DISHES without being asked.

I remember when Scott and I were first married and we struggled with communication.  He’s an introvert and I’m an extrovert.  He had to learn to take his “filters” down and he made a conscious effort to talk to me when we were either on a date or at the end of the day.  This is not something that came natural to him, but he decided our relationship was more important than his comfort zone.  After 16 years of marriage, we are getting the hang of this communication thing.

You can only change yourself.  Treat your spouse like you want them to treat you.  On a scale of 1 to 10, even though you may think your spouse is a 4, treat them like a 10.  If you are consistent in your actions, change will happen.  No more excuses!  Let the amazing marriage begin!  Thanks for listening, Kirsten